I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
