Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
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Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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