i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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