I just saw a hot homeless man
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
