dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
