the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
