that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
