we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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