He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
