I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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