is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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