You just made me feel so damn special
She's JV to your varsity
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
