i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
