I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
