When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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