Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
