If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
