I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize