sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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