I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
