He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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