One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Terrible idea I love it
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
