woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just want to make out with him forever
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
