U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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