conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
