Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
