I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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