She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
