Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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