I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
