I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i think my cat just said my name.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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