Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
