Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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