Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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