Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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