At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
