I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
