she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
