thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
