I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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