I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
