You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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