so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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