By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
