The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No...this little piggys going to the bar
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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