Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
