I got chris browned last night
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
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You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
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You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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