conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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