bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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