the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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