hotel room ftw
I looked at my own cervix.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
