Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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