Whatcha textin bout Willis?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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