I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Randomize
