dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
