This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
