I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
