I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
