im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
