OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
