my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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