I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
