i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
