I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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