There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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