You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
