Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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