well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
