So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
