I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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