i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
