So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
