so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
vagina is talking i cant
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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