I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
