you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
