just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
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The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
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And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.