He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?