I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
