new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I stole a fireplace last night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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