you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
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I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
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I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do