she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
be there in ten.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?