You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
