i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
